i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We have started to decorate penises.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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