where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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