What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
