So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
