I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
