i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
