Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
