note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
handjob tips. give me some.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think pants incapable of making pants work
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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