Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
