this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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