Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
