you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
