youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
