I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
