In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
