So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She's the barista slut.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
