Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
