im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
