i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
