I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
