The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
