Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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