Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
