Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
