he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
