capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
