This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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