I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
