Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
