Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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