bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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