Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
