We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
