I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
