I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
