how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
