we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
