Why are handjobs necessary in class?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
only if we run a train.
done.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
