"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
