I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
the raccoons are back...
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