And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Randomize
