a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
