Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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