I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
