my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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