I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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