My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
