Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
