I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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