is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
