You just made me feel so damn special
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
